the Strangeness that is my life

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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Jun 28, 2021 12:32 pm

It has taken me 27 hours to get the followi g stupid story straight in my brain.

Sunday Morning my golf course hosts a league consisting of members of the VFW, American Legion, Elks and Moose. They are the worst part of my day. Yesterday was all "win".

They decided to play a 2 person scramble match this week. So you get a partner, each person hits a shot and you both play from wherever the best shot lands. 1 score for the team. It is far less complicated than it sounds.

The prize is $60 paid out from the league dues each member has already paid.

So what went wrong?

1- One out of Five people who showed up opted out of participating... for prize money they already paid in for.

2- Four people who belong to one of these social clubs but not the league got wind of "prize money" and showed up to play despite not having ever paid any league dues... and the guys in charge were ok with that.

3- Somebody complained about possible cheating so all the prize money goes to the team that comes in THIRD. Yeah, first and second get nothing. (BTW, it is my experience that when you get to 3rd place in this sort of thing with this number of teams, there is gonna be a 3 way tie)

4- Somebody complained about balanced teams. So the guy in charge came up with an overcomplicated scheme where the old guys draw first, then the high handicap guys, then the low handicap guys... did I mention most of these guys are military vets? Because this is pure Army over complication.

4A- Guy in charge forgot 2 of the best golfers are also among the oldest. Also forgit he has no idea how those 4 interlopers play.

4B- To make this work, you have to split the card draw in half so the early draw guys get paired with a late draw guy. The man in charge just shuffled the deck and started handing out cards.

5- To make a card draw for partners work, your deck needs ONE card for each player and they need a way to match up (like " the red 3's are a team") The man in charge just shuffled 52 cards and dealt them to 18 people. Needless to say, several people had no partner at all and others were trying to figure out which of the 3 matching numbers were actual partners.

6- on top of this, they were still collecting money for individual skins payouts (but it wasn't mandatory so some guys were in but their partner was not...there is zero method to fairly pay those off in this format)

7- those not participating in the tourney but still golfing insisted on playing with their regular foursomes despite the other 3 being in the tourney and having a 4th partner involved. This is the only thing i fixed for them by booting all not involved to the back of the line.

They got stuff so twisted up, they ended up not playing the thing at all. And yet guys that got partners went out and played that style anyhow which then voided their chance of winning that individual skin money they tossed in the pot.

Easily the dumbest people i deal with.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Jul 20, 2021 4:02 pm

Leroy Township, Ohio.

It is a little roundabout with a gas station and a bar and not much else up my way.

Last year was suppossed to be their Bicentennial but covid happened and stuff was cancelled. So they held it this year. (Because words mean whatever we want them to mean) It was a big old picnic and fireworks thing for a very rural community. (Held out on the softball fields next to the firehouse)

It was a big success. They are already planning next year's Bicentennial event.

Before you slap your head and shout, "you can't hold a Bicentennial 2 years in a row!", let me add one more item... My brother found an acquaintance on social media with pics from the Leroy Bicentennial in 2019.

So 200th anniversaries seem to now be an annual event. I anticipate the bicentennial of the bicentennial.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Jul 22, 2021 12:58 pm

Sigh, customers...

Guy is in his late 60's early 70's. He comes off the last hole and wants me to let him replay the first 3 holes on the course because he "had to skip some holes during his round".

By "had to", he means there were other groups playing there and he finds himself too important to wait his turn. Nobody forced him to skip a hole, he was just impatient.

So I told him no.

He pushes his case based on a single reason. "Those groups had women in them and I shouldn't have to wait for women when I am on a golf course."

Right there, he lost his case because that sexust crap was stale when i was an infant. So he left disappointed and with strong encouragement to find a different course if he feels that strongly about no ladies on the course.

Not sure where he is going to find that course because I have neglected to mention the reason this story is worth telling...

Old sexist guy who hates women on the course was golfing WITH HIS WIFE!
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Legauche » Thu Jul 22, 2021 8:42 pm

salamanca wrote:Sigh, customers...

...

Not sure where he is going to find that course because I have neglected to mention the reason this story is worth telling...

Old sexist guy who hates women on the course was golfing WITH HIS WIFE!

That's no woman - that's his WIFE! <ba-DOOM, pishhhh!>
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Fri Jul 23, 2021 12:22 pm

Well, I am certain she is a very patient and nice lady. With a great personality.

Otherwise she would have probably killed him by now.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Aug 19, 2021 7:07 am

This morning, my neighbor was out in the driveway with his teen daughter waiting for the school bus. So I stepped over to say good morning.

It was not a good morning. Turns out the bus was already 15 minutes late. (And thanks to a school consolidation, the school is 30 miles away, the MOST direct route is still a 40 minute drive if you follow the speed restrictions) And you know the school bus never takes a direct route. These kids spend a couple hours on the bus each way.

But the bus turned the corner as i was standing there. And that is when we found out how the driver was going to make up the time...

She drove right past us, never looked our way or slowed down. There were maybe 3 kids on that bus when there should be about 20.

Meanwhile, my neighbor had to drive his daughter to school which is not the same direction as his job.

So apparently our local system is a hybrid of in class learning and virtual bus rides to and from.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Aug 19, 2021 4:47 pm

Ah, just figured out why that bus thing happened... it's part of this hybrid learning model in the pandemic.

The kids attend school IN CLASSROOM but the bus ride is VIRTUAL.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Fri Aug 27, 2021 8:55 pm

So I have these 3 idiot regulars who play friday night after work. They all work together for a remodeling company. The group includes a really bossy guy who thinks he can golf well, a really dumb guy who keeps taking the other guy's advice, and a really lousy golfer who doesn't want to be told anything and doesn't care.

The good news is they are getting up to normal playing speed. They got done around 7:30 and should have been on their way.

No such luck. Bossy guy got himself on a rant in thee parking lot about stuff that happened at work. No idea why he felt the need to replay it for the others, they work with him and saw it happen.

I still had play out including some families and teice had to go down and ask them to tone down the volume and profanity (i could hear them clearly from 50 yards away while inside with the windows closed) 8:30 rolls around my last straggler golfers finish, bossy guy is still crying about his job.

I get to give the "you can't stay here" speech.

They seriously try to convince me to leave them there. We have neighbors, I'm certainly about to get complaint calls. Plus, I don't leave anybody standing around unattended...that's how you get real problems.

They pack it in... almost.

Really dumb guy has managed to lose his keys in the last hour while standing still. 20 minutes of searching the car, golf bag, cart, and parking lot.

Finally found them and they are finally gone. But now I am wondering...

Who the hell opens their car, dumps their keys in an empty McDonald's cup and slaps the lid back on it before tossing it in the passenger floor?
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Legauche » Sat Aug 28, 2021 2:59 am

salamanca wrote:Who the hell opens their car, dumps their keys in an empty McDonald's cup and slaps the lid back on it before tossing it in the passenger floor?


A Really Dumb Guy?
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Aug 28, 2021 6:53 am

I agree. McDonalds is a terrible choice.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Sep 01, 2021 8:22 pm

So it is the last night of the golf league we run for the season. The so called "house league".

Last year, my 96 year old grandpa ended up in the championship match and lost 5 holes to 4. Pretty good seeing as his opponent was 37 at the time. Keep in mind Grandpa scored a lot of match points all season to get there.

This year, we just concluded point rounds and the winner of points for the july and august session will play against the guy who won the april-june portion.

We had 12 out of 29 guys with a legit shot at it going into tonight. (Legit being within 10 points of the current leader)

Grandpa scored 14 but 6 behind the guy that ended up winning it. Pretty good for 97.

My dad stepped up strong. He was only 3 behind coming in. He played good scored 12 and ended up losing by a single point.

The guy that won picked up 14 points and was playing the 3rd best player in the league. He played the number 2 guy last week and will face number one next week.

He has totally earned it.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Sep 02, 2021 6:57 pm

Just had a call that ended with an angry and indignant "customer".

He called wanting to play tonight around 7:30 pm.

Sorry, i say. Last time out is 6:15 which was about 25 minutes ago. We are closed for play tonight.

He wnts to know why we are closing so early. Because last year we were open that late.

I point out that we were open that late this uear as well in June and July because the sun sets later in those months.

Now he is mad that i will not let him golf at 7:30 tonight.

I explain the math. It takes just under 2 hours to play a round. The sun sets at around 8pm. Anybody starting after 6:15 does not have tome to finish before dark.

He literally asks, " if the sun doesn't set until 8 why can't i play at 7:30?"

Because i will not allow you out with only 30 minutes of daylight.

He hung up mad.

And just interrupted this post to ask in a poorly disguised voice if he could play tonight at 7:30. (Caller ID, man)

You all know i have many talents and am pretty smart but I cannot stop the sun from setting. (Well, i could but there are a lot of bad side effects so i have not)
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Sep 09, 2021 8:35 pm

Got the quarterly newsletter for the county library system today. All the events, seminars, book discussions, etc. until the end of the year.

The branch farthest away has something happening pretty much 4-5 days a week. Lots of discussions, lectures, crafting seminars, and training/use of their 3D printers, sublimation printer, and a couple thongs i don't even know what they are for.

The main branch has almost as much going on but no tech stuff.

Our local branch...
Zero book discussion groups, 1 childrens reading hour a week, a lecture from a hospice nurse about her experiences, a family boardgame night (3 hours and they are aiming at party games like codenames) and...

A lecture on UFOs.

"Thompson Library, we got romance novels and movies to borrow."

I am not making that up. When I moved here, that was the librarian's first sentence to me.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Rebecca Iavelli » Fri Sep 10, 2021 2:13 pm

and a couple thongs i don't even know what they are for.


If you don't know what thongs are for, you haven't been to the beach in quite a while. :D ;)
Think! - Its not Illegal yet.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Fri Oct 01, 2021 8:24 am

Just saw a report on "the new hot show"...

It is from South Korea and is called "Squid Games".
It is a drama about people competing in a reality contest of childhood games like Red Rover and Red light, green light.

Except the losers die. Winner gets millions.

I think South Korea has just broadcast the first MegaParanoia game.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Oct 14, 2021 3:40 pm

Just a word of advice today.

If you are writing fantasy fiction, you should spellcheck far earlier than page 175 in your writing.

The names alone will take forever to click "ignore all" on.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Oct 16, 2021 8:39 am

Nothing I was taught in my youth still applies:

In my youth, a very wise mentor used to say, "You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose".

It was good advice.

Today: Covid testing has destroyed that axiom.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Nov 20, 2021 10:39 pm

Well, since i don't have an rpg group tyese days...it is back to Skyrim.

Time thankfully passes faster in game so you can play a year of adventures in a couple weeks of actual free time.

Today, Skjor was standing in the practice area hehind the meadhall waiting for me to show up with nothing but scorn on his face.

Not unusual behavior but Skjor died his scripted death five character months ago.

The fact i was wearing his gauntlets and boots at the time made it more awkward. I think he may be a spy. Or an angry ghost.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Nov 23, 2021 11:55 am

I am literally looking at the future right now.

The newspaper guy just tossed a paper in my driveway. I don't get the newspaper. Used to read it at work but it got real lousy in coverage and kept jacking the price. I have never had one delivered to my home.

But the newspaper guy chucked it out in the drive for me.

It is Thursday's newspaper. Not last week, as in two days from now. The special overpriced holiday edition. I am reading the news of the future.

Good news: there are no actual news articles just a report on the Cuyahoga County Charter and meat prices hurting BBQ restaurants. So nothing will happen tomorrow.

I know. I already read the paper.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby kenderleech » Thu Nov 25, 2021 4:16 pm

I had access to the thursday paper monday night. I was very dissapointed that they didnt put the powerball numbers in it.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Nov 29, 2021 7:18 pm

So my cousin's kids showed up with my aunt to visit great grandpa because nobody understands " if you are not vaccinated, you are endangering him"

The kids got into the storage rooms upstairs in his house. And then they started hoarding stuff which is good because stuff needs to go.

Then they found a photo album from my great grandparents. Everything was taken in between 1918 and 1924. So it is them young and my grandmother as a baby.

There is one distinct photo of my great grandfather. Laying on what looks to be a beach of lake erie wearing a full black suitfully buttoned, black tie and bowler hat. And an expression of wanting to be somehere else on his face.

It is still the most relaxed and content i have ever him.

My aunt took one look amd said, "grandpa relaxing? Not that i remember."
He died when i was 13, never remember him not wearing a tie even retired. Or smiling.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Dec 01, 2021 4:43 pm

So I finished another Skyrim playthrough at lunch. Did something I have not done in a long while and played every choice as the most evil villain I could. Vampire...check. Deadra quests...check. Backing Ulfric...check. I double crossed every person I could. I was a miserable, murderous lout and it was glorious.

So all the questlines were done, my quest log was as empty as it can get. So it was time for a fond farewell which for this character means marching into Whiterun and killing everybody.

I murdered guards at the gate and guards inside. I murdered the reinforcements that spawned too. I murdered the blacksmith and her husband and the rude elf that owns the bar who"s brother i murdered long ago. I killed the drow mercensry that never leaves the bar. I killed the little old lady who has visions of the future and the dull witted man who works for the shopkeeper. I killed the lady who wants to own the inn and has been buying skyrim narcotics from me to sell on the streets.

I made Lars Battleborn an orphan.

I killed the priest who always shouts.

I killed Nazeem...with a dinner forl to make it last longer.

And when i had kelled everyone the game will allow you to kill, I stood next to the sacred tree to enjoy the carnage.

At that point, the little orphan girl walked up and having no dialogue for atrocities, went with her standard passing phrase...

"You're the best! Can you be my father?"
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby kenderleech » Tue Dec 07, 2021 10:43 pm

You just evened the playing field for her... Now ALL the kids are orphans. If you become her dad, shes the top kid.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Dec 08, 2021 8:38 am

Yeah, you can't kill the woman that takes over the orphanage but there are only 4 beds.

A word on that and spoilers for a decade plus game.

When you get the quest to kill the mean woman who runs the orphanage, you will incur no bounty if you are obvious about it. If you kill her in front of the kids, they cheer and praise the run away for managing to hire you. It's kinda disturbing.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Dec 30, 2021 8:39 am

Someone bought me a video game called "maneater".

If you are not familiar, you are a shark, swimming around eating fish and attacking humans who eventually start hunting you.

There is voice over commentary from a shark week style documentary from time to time and a ton of dark humor.

I have found a sunken mob burial ground, a giant tub stopper i cannot remove, and the remains of a Bluth Frozen Banana Stand.

But on the golf course i found a pond with skeletons and a pile of collected golf balls. Just as i found it, my real life customer who has fallen in the pond twice chasing golf balls showed up.

Sometimes the real world just lands in the right spot.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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