In which Sal ruins the New Avengers Movie

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In which Sal ruins the New Avengers Movie

Postby salamanca » Tue Apr 24, 2018 6:13 pm

Since RPG.net has these draconian rules about potential spoilers because nobody over there can handle any sort of humor without being offended, you all get the pleasure of ignoring or joining in on my fun here.

Ok, Avengers Infinity War hits theaters this week. I am not in the mind to provide real or plausible spoilers in this thread. Instead I propose something more fun and preposterous.

This is the thread for ridiculous speculation and ideas that Marvel, Disney and the powers that be would never, could never, and should never ever possibly consider putting on the screen but would be funny, weird or awesome if they did. So go nuts.

One important Guideline( any and all characters in the Actual movie may or may not be considered dead if it fits the whims of your imagination. This is not considered a spoiler)

1- The movie ends with Captain America on a boat. His Super Soldier Serum has finally run out and he is 94 years old. He throws the Shield back in the ocean.

2- In a desperate move after pretty much everybody has been killed, Loki activates the Cosmic Cube to summon heroes from an alternate earth. The movie ends with the arrival of...

2a- The Justice League.
2b- the Justice League dressed as the Squadron Supreme (same actors: Gadot, Cavill, Affleck, etc)
2C- Deadpool and the X-men.
2D-- A bunch of previously unseen Marvel heroes including Miles Morales, Spectrum, Hercules, The Black
Knight, Squirrel girl, Wonderman, She Hulk, and Demolition man
2e- A group of famous actors in scruffy outfits with no names attached to them. Hugh Jackman, Jeffrey
Dean Morgan, The Rock, Matt Damon, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp, Charlize Theron, Kate Beckinsale,
Angelina Jolie, and Daniel Craig.

3- Thanos is just on Earth to get his "Two Dollars"

4- Cap dies in the opening scene before the credits just like Steven Seagal in that one movie. the rest of the film is a legal battle over who gets the shield.

5- Black Widow went blond and it works as a disguise just as well as Clark Kent's glasses.

6 Hawkeye needs to be dragged back into the job from a budding career as an Elvis impersonator.

7- We get one shot of the netflix characters looking up at the destruction and they all make an excuse and skulk away for Lattes.

8- Martin Freeman gets a re-occurring gag where he keeps insisting that Dr. Strange's voice sounds familiar to him.

9- Thor makes the "Captain Hammer" joke from Dr. Horrible's blog.

10- That giant metal ring in the trailer is the appearance of "Big Wheel". (Go look him up, it is a real MArvel character)

11- Falcon and Bucky agree on something.

12- Phil Coulson returns bigger and better than ever.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: In which Sal ruins the New Avengers Movie

Postby kenderleech » Tue Apr 24, 2018 8:32 pm

Thanos gets his wonderglove. And then galactus eats the planet.
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Re: In which Sal ruins the New Avengers Movie

Postby salamanca » Wed Apr 25, 2018 7:16 am

And then Captain Eo takes it back.
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Re: In which Sal ruins the New Avengers Movie

Postby Black Jack Rackham » Wed Apr 25, 2018 8:15 am

In the end credits, a slightly befuddled nonagenarian wakes up from a fevered dream and says, "Hey, maybe I could make some money off this. EXCELSIOR!"

The House of Mouse decides the bubble is about to burst on the whole Superhero Genre, and slashes funding, forcing the cast and crew to work without CGI, making their own special effects. The latter half of the movie is just extras running around making "SWOOSH" and "BAMM, POW!" sound effects while trying (and failing) to stay off camera. Also the part of Thanos is now just Ryan Reynolds giving a piggyback ride to Josh Brolin.

Iron Man and Dr. Strange share the "Facial Hair Bros!" moment (along with a strange obsession between the two of them to quote Sir Arthur Conan Doyle).
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Re: In which Sal ruins the New Avengers Movie

Postby kenderleech » Wed Apr 25, 2018 4:00 pm

Oh yea, shamelessly stolen from someplace else, but i dont remember where. Someone needs to say to both of them, in the same scene, "No shit sherlocks"
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Re: In which Sal ruins the New Avengers Movie

Postby salamanca » Fri Apr 27, 2018 3:52 pm

Oh good, just read the spoiler filled commentary thread about the movie.

I never thought I would be right. Sorry for wrecking it.

Note to Mark:. SEE IT BEFORE YOU TAKE THE KIDS!!!!!!!
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Re: In which Sal ruins the New Avengers Movie

Postby Black Jack Rackham » Tue May 01, 2018 10:34 am

So I've seen it now. I think the kids will be fine. Although their decision to have a tiddly-winks match for the fate of the universe was a bit confusing (especially the fact that it takes up nearly half the movie). But the dance numbers more than made up for it.
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Re: In which Sal ruins the New Avengers Movie

Postby salamanca » Tue May 01, 2018 12:23 pm

I suspect Drax and Mantis can't handle anything more complex than tuddly winks. I also suspect we will be hearing their best line a lot this summer.
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Re: In which Sal ruins the New Avengers Movie

Postby salamanca » Tue May 01, 2018 7:05 pm

Did anybody else get creeped out during the love scene when Cap shouts out, "I can do this all day!"?
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