the Strangeness that is my life

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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sun Oct 16, 2016 6:37 pm

Just discovered that Tom Tuttle is running for county treasurer out here.

It's funny if you know the reference. (Because we are far from his home)
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Nov 26, 2016 9:50 pm

Mall bits:

Recently sold a Ouija Board to a man with the last name of "Blood". Bravada is convinced I have discovered the haunt and our mall season is a game of Betrayal at House on the Hill.

Item 2: despite all stores showing a small dip in sales vs. last year on Thanksgiving, theall is convinced that things are up because Best Buy was nationally up if you included online sales. Never mind that they do not have a store in our mall. Not sure how that helps us.

Item3: mall installed new "family restrooms" very close to my spot which is great. They opened for use on Thursday. (Even better). They closed 2 hours later because the drains have a bow in them causing a back up. (Fortunately discovered quickly). Plumbers must use the same mall math.

Item 4: new worst calendar ever...NYC taxi drivers. No shirts, lots of flabby bellies and oiled hair.

Item 5: mall set one of my kiosks in the wrong spot and the year round watch kiosk complained about proximity and visibility. Mall was depending we move it but unwilling to pay the crew and apparently unable to gather enough maintenance staff to do it under my supervision. Debate ended when Hickory Farms arrived and promptly set up in the space they wanted to shift us into accidentally. Guy that assigned both those spots wrong got... Promoted.

Item 6: the marketing manager has stopped attending her own meetings with store managers because she has nothing new to share. Yet we keep holding meetings.

Item 7: women's clothing chain, Vanity, returned and totally remodelled a store, hired a staff and stocked merchandise in 13 days. Meanwhile, hot topic is in year 6 of waiting for mall management to replace the burned out light bulb in the safety light outside their backdoor...just saying.

Item 8: the union of creepy mall guys has added a member. A retired circus clown. Claims to be getting out of the entertainment industry to concentrate on writing. (Needs to concentrate on laundry)

Item 9: corporate office finally issued name badges after 14 years. Quickly realized I don't want ex-clown knowing my name. Issued fake names for entire staff. Issued "Dante" and "Warren" to the guys. The ladies are now "Gertrude", "Harriet" and "Bob". (You all know mine)

Item 10: because of a series of weird things, build a bear has ended up needing several new assistant managers. Last week they promoted a girl who is 18 to management because she has seniority (8 months on the job). You can guess who got the Thanksgiving night shift.

Item 11: due to my proximity, I am now up for a position as a build a bear assistant manager despite not being an employee. Not kidding, the manager is trying to make a point about corporate stealing her staff for other stores.

Item 12: a "candy maze" store took over a spot next to our second location. It is a store that sells bulk price candy and you weave between tables filling your bag with Tootsie rolls and other crappy wrapped penny candy then pay a bunch extra compared to the grocery. ALL my employees individually noticed it, looked ate and said a minor variation of, "Dammit Dave, I can't work next to this.". May need to buy them all bigger belts.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Dec 01, 2016 10:59 am

So the mall muzak system just spat out a mash up of "winter wonderland" and "don't worry, be happy".

This may be the worst thing to happen tousic since the Easy Beats covered "Tears of a Clown".

May not survive this season.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Fri Dec 09, 2016 11:06 am

So, the first actual snow of the season coincides with the first early open day at the mall.

I have been open for an hour and there have been a total of 15 mall walkers and zero shoppers wander by.

This may have to do with nobody knowing the hours changed.

It may have to do with the freeway having been the scene of a 50+ car debacle last night and people are nervous.

It may have to do with the same freeway being unplowed this morning and top speed being 20 mph.

It may be due to the local city not having cleared ANY of the streets this morning.

Might have to do with school being closed due to snow so parents are home with kids too lazy to go shopping.

But I am certain the fact that there are 4 UNPLOWED inches of snow in the mall parking lot is a factor that could have been averted.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby daundelyon » Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:21 pm

salamanca wrote:So the mall muzak system just spat out a mash up of "winter wonderland" and "don't worry, be happy".

This may be the worst thing to happen tousic since the Easy Beats covered "Tears of a Clown".

May not survive this season.


This was playing in my office. It is horrendous.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby kenderleech » Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:46 pm

Im so glad i can turn the sound system off at my job.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Dec 12, 2016 7:53 pm

So I have a restaurant story that does not resolve around terrible service.

Stopped for breakfast at a chain place and there were business cards for the assistant manager on the counter. Took one look and decided the guy had been blessed with a truly horrid surname.

Joe Evilsizer. This guy needs a PhD.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby daundelyon » Tue Dec 13, 2016 5:21 pm

salamanca wrote:
Joe Evilsizer. This guy needs a PhD.

In horribleness? :D
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Dec 13, 2016 10:19 pm

In anything. Dr. Evilsizer needs to be a thing.

Unrelated rant of the day.

I am sick to death of dealing with grandmother's who are shopping for a grand child who is "exceptionally intelligent". I don't care how smart you think the child is, a 3 year old will not enjoy Scrabble as a gift. (Not exaggerating). While we are on the topic, I know you mean well but highly intelligent people do not automatically only have an interest in trivia games. (This goes double for true/false trivia games). The truth is, a highly intelligent person finds trivia games to be a no win situation. They either win and have the other players feeling cheated or they lose and never hear the end of it (assuming anyone will play them in the first place).

It will really make your life and holiday easier if you just treat your "genius" like a normal human being and buy them something fun and age appropriate.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Lady Grace » Tue Dec 13, 2016 11:17 pm

Dr. Evilsizer's secret lair is the C Hall bathroom.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:06 pm

Actually, it's a Bob Evans in Mentor.

CHall bathroom is Kenny's secret lair.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Dec 26, 2016 10:11 am

So, I just had an awkward conversation with the mall manager about season sales results.

Awkward because he followed me into the restroom to initiate the conversation.

I think I prefer the C Hall.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Fri Dec 30, 2016 10:44 pm

We have a new entry in weirdest request for Cards Against Humanity.

So this African American Church Deacon in his 70's showed up yesterday tasked with getting a party game for the CHURCH New Year's Eve event. And the congregation planners suggested CAH with no idea what that entailed.

These are the kind of days where I get torn between the heroic ideal of explaining politely why this is a bad idea and steering them to something of quality OR sending them to go get it with no warning.

Today, I earned no corruption points.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Fri Dec 30, 2016 10:55 pm

And unrelated to that incident, we have a challenger to weirdest claim.

Today I had a lady browsing the games and she was looking at a backgammon set. Now, I knew there was zero chance of a sale because her cheap husband wasn't willing to spend two bucks on the kid unless I was willing to skip the sales tax so $25 was out the door.

But the lady starts telling me she has a set but wants a new one because the old set is in the attic and she doesn't want to ruin it because it's a " first edition copy". She somehow thinks she has an original copy of a 5000 year old game. I tried to point that out and that museums do not have original copies but she is quite certain she has an original that will be a collector's item.

All I see out of this is a mockumentary TV show where we follow a pair of "pickers" who wander the country buying stuff like the holy grail out of dilapidated barns in Wisconsin.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Lady Grace » Sat Dec 31, 2016 12:17 pm

salamanca wrote:We have a new entry in weirdest request for Cards Against Humanity.

So this African American Church Deacon in his 70's showed up yesterday tasked with getting a party game for the CHURCH New Year's Eve event. And the congregation planners suggested CAH with no idea what that entailed.

These are the kind of days where I get torn between the heroic ideal of explaining politely why this is a bad idea and steering them to something of quality OR sending them to go get it with no warning.

Today, I earned no corruption points.


Did you at least sell them Apples to Apples?
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Dec 31, 2016 2:30 pm

You really think I have a copy of that in stock? I am literally down to a pair of drinking Jenga games, 3 copies of shark tank, a dirty version of the newlywed game, 6 kids charades, 9 chess sets and 11 backgammon boards. (And about a dozen cartoon knockoff versions of trouble). Yet somehow I am expected to stay open another 20 days.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Mar 02, 2017 10:27 pm

Ok, my gaming habits are NOT out of hand. Just talked to a guy who puts it all in perspective.

They get together to play Trouble. He runs a game store, has access to everything you could want to play and they play Trouble.

The Hasbro pop-o-matic bubble clone of Sorry, Pachisi, Aggravation, etc.

And they play for money. $500 buy in for each game. (That is not a typo, $500 per game).

I cannot comprehend gambling on a game that lousy.

I will consider them having gambling problems when they start betting on co-op games.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Mar 11, 2017 9:21 pm

Ok, there is a company about a half hour from my house selling storage outbuildings. The type you stick in the yard to hold the lawn tractor and other tools.

They also have seen of those plywood silhouette cut-out figures that were all the rage in rural america 20 years ago...

Of Bigfoot.

Yep, 7 foot tall Sasquatch fit to stick on the side of the road or the edge of your forest.

Can't say I don't want one for the golf course.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sun Mar 19, 2017 9:17 pm

Just discovered that the newest local hospital appears to have added revenue by selling naming rights for various wings and departments. I get this is a common thing and really no different than taking a donation to name it after someone like they have been doing the last 100+ years.

Except in this case, the Emergency Room has been named for the local funeral home...

Not exactly a confidence builder. ( And before you ask, I was not there for health reasons, just found out about it)
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Black Jack Rackham » Sun Mar 19, 2017 11:31 pm

Well I'd say… (Put on glasses)… They got you coming and going.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Mar 20, 2017 6:52 pm

Yeaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby daundelyon » Tue Mar 21, 2017 4:44 pm

Me and my former coworkers honestly thought we were being pranked when this little gem came down the pike.:

https://wexnermedical.osu.edu/mediaroom ... ment-opens
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby kenderleech » Sun May 07, 2017 7:46 am

"Don't let this job get you down, my brother. The revolution is coming." - some random guy at my store



Remember, you heard it here first.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sun May 07, 2017 9:16 am

FYI, the revolution also has plans to keep you down. (Just you, it was in the memo)


Helped about a friend who runs a local comic shop yesterday for free comic day.

Had one 60 year old that could not comprehend limit of 5 per person and wanted 5 of each comic (30 titles...150 individual books in total). Same guy also had a weird request for a specific Wonder Woman back issue that the owner has somewhere in the store room but not on the retail floor. He came back 3 times during the day to see if the owner had dug it out for him yet. Somehow, the fact that there were at least 25 other shoppers in the store each time led him to think there was time to go plow through a bunch of boxes for his instant gratification. (After being told there was no way it was going to happen today but would be waiting for him Monday).

And if that were not weird enough, I had three adults insist on shaking hands as a greeting with assorted gunk on them
One had been eating candy, another chocolate and I still don't know what was on the other one but all three initiated the handshake and left me with debris I would expect from a toddler. (So I washed my hands a lot yesterday)
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue May 16, 2017 4:35 pm

So, today I had to scrap all my plans at work to herd scottish cattle.

Guy next door leases his land to see moron that can't figure out how fences work so for the third time this spring, I have cattle wandering on my property.

For those of you that have never been around cattle, they are faster than you are, don't tend to turn for things smaller than they are, and tend to run when you want them to walk.

Got lucky in that they missed all the important things on the golf course. They finally got rounded up after 3-4 hours of being loose in part because the neighbors on the other side left a hunting dog out and loose and she took an interest in the large prey.

Personally, I had images of a herd of feral cows running free in the woods for the next several years attacking cars, unsuspecting deer and leaving droppings in various yards.

And before you ask, No. I did not surf on them. Would have tried had I caught up.
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