the Strangeness that is my life

[salamanca]

So the Bob Evans manager has been sacked. Turns out he was not up to the task. Protip: if you plan on embezzling thousands of bucks you probably should not be sleeping with 3 employees and putting them on shift together where they can find out about each other.

[salamanca]

Well, mall update time:. PacSun is on it's way to hiring manager number 4 (which means they have replaced one every year since I moved near them). Wet Seal finally told their staff they are closing the store on tuesday after a month of refusing to inform them about anything (cruelest thing to do to an employee is to refuse to tell them if they have a job or not at christmas). Our company has not sent the closing info so we are on extended time with the staff that thought they would be done (and ironically want to be finished...wish I could just hire on the wet seal staff and help them). Maurice's had a front window shatter yesterday right before my eyes. Half inch tempered glass and nothing touched it, it just went pop and shattered. We had a hell of a time keeping people out of the area waiting for it to fall. The manager ended up having to knock it out of the frame. Largest fragment of the 5' x 12' window was the size of a mini d10. It also proved security has zero ability to do anything as the chief not only spent the time telling kids they tossed someone into the window (a blatant lie that is bad for image if the rumor spreads) but insisted they were not handling the situation but merely assisting the store as observers. Useless. My boss was more useless after I called him to help as out booth continued to be busy as well as swarmed with gawkers. I was concerned about safety when it did collapse, potential shoplifting and finding products for actual customers in the danger area (this was literally 10 feet from my booth) without putting them in harm's way. He helped by taking some photos of the broken window and wandering off to get a coffee (because he is absolutely incapable of helping in any situation, it's like a superpower or something). The worst reaction was the guy that drives the train for kids around the mall. I try to wave him off to keep the vehicle full of kids away from possible falling glass and he cannot fathom the concept of driving around the mall in the opposite direction.

[salamanca]

So, we sell a Nintendo themed Monopoly set (big surprise, I know). I had a guy in his late 30's buy one yesterday and he asks me, "does the Konami code work on this?". I told him I didn't know for sure but I think it should. For those of you too young or too old to remember what this means, the original nintendo games made by Konami had a built in cheat code that gave you ridiculous advantages like unlimited lives or super attacks. The code was triggered by hitting a combination of lefts, rights, ups, downs, A and B buttons before hitting start. Best I figure, it should start you in possession of Boardwalk and Park Place with hotels on both. (and the entire bank). Easily one of the best questions this year.

[salamanca]

Yeah, I got another interesting one.

For about the last week, we have had really nasty cold weather combined with snow and I have wisely opted to not leave the property for the most part. And something in this storm has opted to play havoc with my cell phone provider's system.

So let me back up... Last friday, in the middle of a sub-zero snowday, I needed to make a phone call and... NO SIGNAL! Yeah, sort of expected that given the terrible weather.

No big deal, stuff will sort out before too long. And I would call the cell company but...I can't.

Maybe it's the phone. The phone is old.

Weather clears up saturday and still no signal. So It's probably the phone.

I get out to the store on sunday (still lacking signal) and... Hey guess what, the phone works but only after I drive 8 miles north.

Well, I figure it out monday. odds are it's an issue and they are just dogging it on the weekend.

Monday... still no signal. I am running out on errands anyhow so I stop off at the local cell phone outlet to complain.

They immediately decide it's got to be my phone.

-but the phone works everywhere except where I live. If it was the phone, it wouldn't work here. It works fine in the store
-they still insist on replacing the sim card.
-which dumps all my established preferences and tries to eat my saved numbers. But that all works itself out.
AND, surprise... still doesn't work when I get home.

So today I call on the land line from work.
-and the rep blames my phone.
-and suggests I go get a new sim card.
-and wants to have me turn it off and on.
-and then wants to enact an override connection my phone doesn't support.

-AND finally turns me over to tech issues to report a signal problem because they determine that ... surprise... It can't be my phone since it works elsewhere.

-so now they say it will be looked at and resolved in 72 hours and to call back saturday when they are not in the office if the problem is still unresolved.

AND after all that, problem still persisting, they have had the gall to both automated call and text me with surveys about my level of happiness in resolving my issue. (something I have repeatedly asked them to not do)

I think you all know me well enough to know my survey answers given that the problem has not been solved.

but I'm thinking of adopting the method and asking you all at the START of our future game sessions if you enjoyed the adventure.

[Black Jack Rackham]

^v^v<><>BABA... There, did that fix it?

[salamanca]

just got off a land line trying to get this fixed.

service tech was very pleasant but she had to try and run me through 19 fixes on the phone again (including trying to do 9 things my phone was never built to do like have wi-fi access)

Then she finally pulls up the service report from the last call and after 20 minutes discovers that... there IS in fact a tower down in my area. (Which is what I was asking about in the first place)

AND because it's a union thing, they will be taking another 72 hours to fix it. But that's 72 hours on business days because repair crew doesn't work weekends.

oh, and it appears my bill is due soon, did I want to pay that now? That was really cheeky, asking me to pay for service I am not getting while admitting they are sort of working on it.

[salamanca]

Was at Barnes &Noble today. They now have a table full of LP records for sale. Selection bounces between hipster stuff like Jack White or Adam Smith (or the Smiths) to classic rock like Led Zeppelin 2 and the Rolling Stones. But what caught my eye was Pink Floyd. The Wall.

I have that on vinyl. First album I bought myself. Fought with dad over having spent 9 bucks on it. (Only won that due to it being a double disc).

They are charging $51.99.

For "The Wall". I saw them live for half that.

[Lady Grace]

That ain't right...

[salamanca]

checked some stuff. I bought that copy of The Wall, the Roger Waters Live in Berlin version AND a ticket to see Pink Floyd in person for the Division Bell tour and still would have had enough to buy a coke for 51.99

Even if this is one of those fancy 180 gram albums.


...and it's not even their best album...

[salamanca]

Today, the cell phone company I dropped because they developed signal problems in my area AND would not stop calling and texting me with surveys...

Yep, they called with a survey to find out why I left them.

The lady asking questions could not hold in her amusement at the irony but she tried and really apologized. I am now anticipating the inevitable "how can we improve our surveys" survey.

[salamanca]

ok, guy up the road has been a pretty good neighbor for the last 30 years. This story is sort of about him.

So the couple that lived more or less across the street from him were older and became adults in the middle of the great depression (they probably would have been around 100 had they lived). They either never had kids or the kids had no involvement in their later years. I can't say either way because the entire time I have lived in this area, they were very weird and reclusive people that never seemed to leave the house.

But as i said, the guy up the road is a good neighbor so he looked after things they could not do and ran errands and whatnot until they passed away. The couple left him their house and property. This is not as great a boon as you may think. Being reclusive and depression era hoarders, the place is in a sad state of disrepair and it was when they died around 10 years ago.

Now the house proper is really avoiding being condemned only because nobody has driven out and posted a sign. the guy up the road has no illusions about this and has really not done anything with it outside of donating the few usable items to charity and leaving the rest to rot. he has, however, used the land to build himself a nice garden and orchard as well as a picnic area for his family.

Now, I've been rambling, what's the strange bit?

I have never been on the property until yesterday, went looking for the guy up the road to ask him for a minor favor. So I wander on the property looking for him in the back yard. as I pass the house, it's devolved well into the creepy haunted house stage. Sagging roof, peeled paint, etc. The windows are a thick dusty mess behind which are the shredded remains of lace curtains that were probably hung in the late fifties.

But what caught my eye was a hand lettered sign in the window that must have been put up by the old may to scare off potential burglars...

"Beware of Explosives"

it amused me that some old guy thought that leaving a warning in the window that the house might blow up would keep people from breaking in or even knocking on the door.

then again, he may just have been crazy enough to have a case of dynamite in the dining room.

[salamanca]

couple tidbits:

- Added a stargazing/astronomy app to the phone seeing as I am out walking the dog in the dark every night, I figured I could learn something beyond the basics. Problem 1: nothing on the app looked right and I could not find anything I recognized as it kept shifting. decided to wait until I put the dog in and had two hands to fiddle with it. Soon discovered the issue. Apparently the GPS system thinks I am currently 50 miles off the west coast of Africa. Manually located myself and suddenly there were all kinds of familiar constellations.

Problem 2: since the day I installed it, we have had overcast skies EVERY night. so now I look at it and pretend it's the sky.

- My sister told me this weekend that as much as she enjoyed hitting me in the head when we were children, she is starting to see now why that was a bad idea. (I suspect that means that she thinks I am brain damaged for not liking certain sci-fi and fantasy tv shows)

- a customer of mine told his buddy that being a stay at home dad is much easier when he drops the kids off at day care right after the wife leaves for work. (father of the year, that one)

[salamanca]

my good friend, Scott went and started himself a webcomic and forgot to tell me. here is a link to "Neat Hobby", his little random silly thoughts and rants. Scott was pretty much the other half of my evil brain when we were in college so if my thoughts amuse you, his should appeal. Grace, you should totally love the third comic about band practice. (where I looked at it and knew exactly which songs he was referencing)

http://neathobby.com

[Lady Grace]

So, does this mean I shouldn't gush about my Toronto trip this Friday?

[salamanca]

Gush away, just remember all those songs were played in every band practice ever.

[salamanca]

Restaurant curse continues. Went to my favorite local diner ( still sitting here). Ate salad, went to restroom while burger was still in kitchen. Had to wait for unsupervised kids to wash hands and get out of the way. ( which took all of 1 minute)

On the way back to the table, the waitress tells me she just dropped of my meal. I get to the table and... No food. No iced tea, no remnant of my salad that was going on the burger. The new busboy cleared everything during a 30 second window of time.

So I await my new sandwich. At least the kid is efficient.

[salamanca]

Tonight I walked an ox on a leash (still too small to stand on him).

[salamanca]

all the oddities of renn faire season in a short post. (it's been a quiet year)

-Celtic weekend just ended. Sunday was good fun but saturday was "that day". The one where the regulars who spend all day drinking overdo it to epic levels. And by regulars I mean people I recognize but normally don't hang out with. So yours truly ended up on babysitting duty for a couple people. One did me a favor and opted to pass out in a low chair so I didn't need to chase him. but his kilt was NOT designed for that pose so we had to find something to cover him with. The others got walked around to sober up a bit and directed into booths to buy stuff because if I have to babysit you, somebody is gonna earn off that.

-Was hit on by a transvestite man who was very drunk and had the worst opening line ever. "Are you straight? Are you sure? damn." Poor guy literally wandered up to 9 of us and asked each the same thing.

-new plans for a project in the off season. Need to turn a Bagpipe into a flask. (or several flasks and a wineskin)

-I am currently trying to convince the cast that next season EVERYONE should play a village idiot except the guy that always does that. He will be the only sane man in town.

-Also campaigning hard to avoid being elected the village Mayor. It's an unofficial thing we keep threatening to do and everyone involved is working hard to avoid catching the title.

-a long time former cast member has been back as a patron a couple times a season the last 4 years or so. We were discussing the PETA protests of the elephant on site for people to ride when she asked why they care about the elephant because it's dead. She was thinking of the previous elephant. The new one has been here for 2 seasons and she has failed to notice it. (there is a joke about ignoring the elephant in the living room in this somewhere)

-speaking of the PETA protest, they want to take this elephant away from it's owners and release it in the wild asap. For a bit of background: This elephant was found when it was a few months old in the wild. the herd had been slaughtered for ivory but this little guy had no tusks and was left unprotected. The group that found him took him to a holding facility and the family that now owns him brought him over to the states a few months later. He is around 17 years old now I think.

So this elephant has no survival skills for Africa. I don't think the PETA folks realize how that will work out.

-It rained so much early this summer that I broke down and bought a leather mantle for my faire gear. (It's a hood and shoulder piece) I had put it off because It was pricey and I knew as soon as I bought one it would never rain again at the faire. Turns out I was right. Yesterday was the first day in a month we had any significant rainfall.

[Lady Grace]

[BLEEP] PETA. Seriously, they do so much harm to animals -- and they dick over humans to boot. I'm still pissed at them for forcing Solon to cancel a deer hunt that was meant to cull the overpopulation AND the meat would have gone to homeless shelters.

[salamanca]

It's been a good karmic payback weekend.

Found money laying next to the street yesterday. (Which I spent on friends at the faire who deserved small surprises)

Somebody gifted me a new blue pirate shirt for helping their booth out this season.

Another vendor cut me a monstrous deal on new pants (the old pair had a good decade but it was time)I really need to start working on the boot vendor next year.

I also talked to someone about custom building me a rose and cross pouch bit that will need to wait until next season. As will a knife or dagger from an up and coming weaponsmith. Connor is only 8 or 9 but he's starting to make axes already. (Yep, he's eagerly apprenticing already)

[daundelyon]

Sometimes I really, really miss working the faire.
~Alexandra

[salamanca]

And then you remember the sweaty drunk creepy guys and don't miss it so much.

Well, it is certainly the final day of the run. I can tell because it's midnight and I JUST got home. (and the faire is only a 7 minute drive away).

[salamanca]

And the mall chaos starts early.

Boss drops me a text about a month ago telling me we are opening a little earlier. Two weeks ago, I get a text telling me to be ready for October first. I start asking the crew about set up help. Then comes the note last week about being OPEN on the 1st so we need the help on the 30th.

Yeah, I'm stewing but re-arrange stuff.

Today, at 6pm, I get a note about the second booth set up being the next night. So now I need guys to skip sleep 2 days in a row and have staff. He has known for a month. And then he expected me to ditch my real job a day early to receive the shipment for free

That is not happening.

We shall see if I stay employed.

[salamanca]

And... Today the boss drops me a text informing me that he will be at the mall around 2:30 on Wednesday, October 1st to help me out.

For those not paying close attention, the 1st is on Thursday. And any help I need on Wednesday is between noon and 1:30 when the delivery arrives.

The guy owns a calendar store and cannot get the date right.....

[salamanca]

Walmart had "Full Metal Jacket" for 5 bucks. Figured at that price, I could use a copy.

The girl at the register ( who might have been 25 at the oldest). Looks down and makes a comment.

First off, I am a little surprised she has seen it but the comment has me baffled.

She told me, "I love that movie. It's so funny!".

Let's see, verbal abuse leading to a suicide, horrors of war... Did I miss the laugh track?