the Strangeness that is my life

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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Jul 20, 2020 9:05 am

So, one of my senoir citizen customers shows up this morning, a little down in the mouth.

He tells me that he asked his wife of 72 years if he had been the only one in her life.

She told him, yes.

And all the other guys had been at least an eight or nine.


That old man is funny.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Aug 01, 2020 11:02 am

Today is apparently customers who entered witness protection while GMs were assigning names.

Tazton Gottsacker

And

Zachary Zembower


So glad i didn't get one of those as my first birthday gift.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Aug 05, 2020 11:33 am

The discussions of Gencon and Thwak have reminded me of a different con....

Marmdog.

A handful of us went up there a couple years in a row to game in Kalamazoo with the Millenial army. The first time was amazing.

Thwak ran a bunch of events, we planned, plotted and worked mechanics for the original larp, and stuff happened. Year two more games got run, the Larp got run again, more weirdness.

Number one was meeting Art.
Art signed up for a random game that happened to be ours. He immediately traded in all his events for the weekend to get generics to use with us. The monday after the con, he traded in all his gaming books for 7th Sea stuff. And we spent about 8 months messaging back and forth about the game. That December, i got a manila packet in the mail with a letter from Art and an adventure. The letter thanked us for taking him in as a player and explained he wouldn't be able to make the next con but asked if i would run his adventure for Thwak and the others. It was a very weird adventure full of very weird stuff. (A bit too adult in theme to run nowadays)

A week later, i got an email from his wife. Art had passed away after an extended battle with a brain tumor. He hadn't told us he was sick, the adventure was his last project (which explained some of the weirdness) and when i ran it year 2...Thwak blushed. It takes a lot to embarrass that man but Art did it.

Louis, was our tag along back then. He had a wagonful of issues. Attention span was one 9f them. On the way to day 2 of the con, Thwak sidetracks us to a stripmall pet store. Runs in, comes out a few minutes later. Turns out he went in to buy a squeeky toy to get Louis' mind back to the table. It was rude, funny and effective.

Louis and Thwak was a fun combo. Louis was awed and terrified of Patrick (who was the biggest, baddest dude he had ever gamed with) during one of the sessions I made some innuendo comment that was a call back to something that had been said the night before and i timed it perfectly.

Thwak spit take! Pepsi exploded across the table and Louis got soaked. The poor kid is sitting there with soda and backwash dripping off his fave and at the moment, Louos had been sidetracked and distracted by vendor tables and Theak had told him there were dire consequences should he leave the table again. At this point, he is too awed and terrified to get out of his chair and clean himself up. This leads to a second or third round of laughter. And poor Louis is just sitting there, soaked. Thwak finally orders him to go clean himself up.

Our arrival at Thwak's apartment. We are there maybe 45 seconds when Jeremy asks him where we can exchange American money for Michigan money. Thwak tells him je will give him a great exchange rate, tromps into the bedroom amd comes back with his Monopoly set and asks how much Jeremy wants to exchange.

The larp: Thwak is playing Villanova. Dana DeVries is playing a Villanova look alike. They are engineering things so that only one of them is in the room at any given time. People are honestly not sure who is the real Villanova. A few are confused as to who is Thwak and who is Dana. (For the handful that have not met them, Thwak is 6 foot 6 inches with black hair and loud. Dana is 5 foot 7 inches, quiet and has sandy brown hair)

Vendors at Marmdog... small crew maybe 5 total. One year someone had dice for sale. They would just line them up on the side of the event room. The vendors still tried to hawk to players who were in games. (Hence the Louis issues)

Louis at the hotel...

We have a room. Big Jim is in bed one, i have bed two. Jeremy and Louis have been banished to the floor. Lights have been turned out and the room is still far brighter than i would ever want because the window faces the inner courtyard pool which turns out to be lit all night. (And Holiday Inn was not springing for blackout curtains)

Lights have been off for about a minute and my eyes are not yet closed because Jeremy has threatened a hostile coup to claim a bed. All of a sudden a hand slowly rises from beyond the foot of Jim's bed. It reaches out and lanfs on Jim's bed and starts moving around like Thing from the Addams family. The hand reaches out and brushes Jim's fooot. He shakes his leg and it goes away. Then it pops back up, like a sock puppet without the sock. It peers around and again moves to the bed and quickly finds Jim's foot again. This time actually grabbing it. Jim flicks his foot again like a horse flicking away flies with its tail. The hand drops. Then it pops up again. This time, when it hits the foot, it squeezes once or twice before Jim forcefully yanks his foot away.

I am both weirded out and entertained because...not my foot.

The hand returns and grabs Jim's foot squeezing it. Jim snaps. "LOUIS!!!!"
"what?" in maybe the quietest, most meek reply in history.
"STOP GRABBING MY FOOT."
"i'm not grabbing your foot."
"YOUR HAND IS ON MY FOOT RIGHT NOW."
"it is? How did that get there?"

Jeremy and I explode in laughter. Jim promises that if his foot gets grabbed again, only 3 will be leaving Michigan. More laughter.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Black Jack Rackham » Wed Aug 05, 2020 12:57 pm

I have heard the foot attack story at least twice, and it never, I mean NEVER stops being hysterical. I have now re-read your post twice more and am still laughing.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Aug 05, 2020 5:45 pm

It is even funnier when you realize Louis really did not know he was doing it. He was really scrambled at the time and had attention issues.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Aug 05, 2020 5:59 pm

Ok, got a new customer this week. He does not listen or learn well. Newish to the area, just found us. First time out he could not comprehend we had 9 holes on our course. Kept wanting to play the second or third 9 that do not exist. Still played 3 times on the same and only 9 we have. (And got lost on all 3 rounds)

He has been out every other day since then.

So today, he leaves his cell phone in the cart. I find it just after he leaves spinning gravel in the air in his big, beat up truck. 20 minutes later it starts ringing because he is looking for it.

I can't answer, it is password locked. Every 4-5 minutes it rings or gets a notification. For texts and notifications, it lets out a cartoony giggle and shouts "Text Message!" It sounds like a deranged clown. When it rings, it plays a really lame bagpipe rendition of "Scotland the Brave" (one of only 2 songs known by every bagpiper) and the volume is loud.

And his password block won't let me turn it down. Or the phone off.

And his lock screen image...
American flag backdrop.
Painting of the Statue of Liberty holding an assault rifle.

And it just keeps ringing.

I am normally very, very careful about lost items and phones in particular. They go in a spot out of sight but nearby in the clubhouse so they get back to their homes.

This one is out in the barn in a drawer full of tractor parts.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Aug 08, 2020 9:10 pm

Ok, stars aligned, got to shut down the business at 7 pm and go eat real food.

Drove to one of my favorite options (who are about to shift their restaurant focus to a style i will hate) and paid forward all the tips people have felt inclined to give me today for taking their money. (Because waitstaff actually went without work unlike me)

But that is beside the point. The point was the extended drive home and the radio. I am an untepentant channel surfer with a radio. Song ends and i am looking for a better choice down the dial. Doubly so on saturday because most stations are on request night and Northeast Ohio loves some really lousy bands.

In the span of 40 minutes, 9 stations played Queen's "Somebody to Love". Good enough song the first 4 times but it certainly tells us that Northeast Ohio is very lonely tonight.

But I give extra special credit to the station that followed it with J Geils "Centerfold". That is just funny.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Aug 12, 2020 3:34 pm

Ok, i am hungry. Anybody else?

I want a deep dish chicago style pizza where they just lay in the crust and fill the rest with lasagna. Noodles and all.

I want lasagna with a bread crust.

Now who is hungry?
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Black Jack Rackham » Wed Aug 12, 2020 4:25 pm

Problem is you included the words "Chicago Style." To me, that means "The Chef is afraid of spices and so your food will be bland as hell." Now if you promise me there will be enough spices to make my wife who grew up in New Orleans and Houston sweat. Then YES I am all in.
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kenderleech wrote:If the cows were not meant to be ridden, why would they be so close to the chase scenes?
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Aug 12, 2020 9:47 pm

I am just the messenger. What you do with the message is up to you.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Aug 19, 2020 1:43 pm

So, let me tell you a story about a little boy growing up in the 70's.

We shall call him Brian. (Because that is his name)

You probably know that it is common for young children to create "imaginary friends" to play with when they are alone. It is a common development phase and a healthy way for the kids to explore interacting and socializing because the outcomes generally work out in their favor as they control both sides of the conversation.

I had one, you probably had one.

Brian had to be different. Brian did not have an imaginary friend to share with or beat in a footrace across the yard. Brian had "George Kabogo". George was not Brian's friend and he would be the first to tell you that. George was Brian's enemy.

George would take toys and refuse to share. George won every footrace across the yard. George would mark his initials on Brian's toys (in retrospect, odds are good that Brian's sister may have been doing that to torment the poor lad)
George called him names and won the pretend fist fights.

And all that makes it sound like a very unhealthy thing. But Brian kept running those races. And he kept trying harder each time to win. Every defeat from George was a new round of getting better for the next round.

I am thinking we could all use a George Kabogo.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Lady Grace » Wed Aug 19, 2020 7:33 pm

But did he ever finally defeat George Kabogo?
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Aug 19, 2020 8:22 pm

Never.

George beat him at races, pushups, situps, wrestling (watching a 5 year old get punned by an invisible opponent is amazing), basketball, football, baseball, and various jumping contests.

But again, every defeat just lead to trying harder the next time. And that carried through to later life. Try your hardest everytime even with no chance of winning. (Which given the inept level of talent on his high school sports teams is a good thing. I think they won maybe a game a year)
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Aug 27, 2020 4:59 pm

So I just had a Karen at the golf course.

Went out with what i presume was her husband. Was mad we don't sell beer when they started. (Because this township has prohibited sale for on site consumption since...Elliot Ness)

So she gets water. Then she gets done and accusses me of personally refilling the Deer Park water bottles and reselling them because "they don't have a cellophane wrap on the top".

1- Deer Park phased that cellophane out a couple years ago for environmental reasons. They even have a big double picture on the side of the bottle showing what the built in safety seal looks like before and after opening. So duh!

2- Rummaging empty water bottles out of the trash, cleanning them enough to pass off as new and filling them with tap water that is clear enough to pass for bottled water is really, really labor intensive. Cases of bottled water are already stupid cheap and profitable. A person would make less spending the time and effort to do that.

3- freaking gross, lady! Who the hell goes to the first instinct being, "those bastards must be refilling empties because i can't figure out the new safety seal"?

In her defense, the new seal is literally a red ring inside the cap that shows "a little white between the red" when sealed and "more white between the red" when previously opened. It is a pretty damn vague thing.

Was the perforated cap cover really that intrusive?
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Aug 31, 2020 9:50 am

My Geezer League (they named themselves that) is out this morning and we are having senior moments all over the place.

(I will orient events on the course to Origins rooms so you have a relative idea of where things are. )

1- first arrival is Hal and for the 12th week in a row, i need to ask him to move his golf cart because he is pulled up against the porch where everyone needs to walk up amd pay. Every week, he parks there and blocks stuff up. This week, after being scolded, he drives to the OTHER END OF THE PORCH AND BLOCKS IT.

2- Paul immediately pulls up and takes Hal's old spot. And after i get him moved, John does the same just to take a jab at me. I like John, he is funny and willing to risk getting yelled at to mess with me.

3- Myron shows up, loads his cart amd vanishes on the property. He just drove off and nobody could find him for 20 minutes. Problematic because he is early stage dementia and someone else is bringing him to play. We actually had to go search him out. He was sitting on the tee where he started last week waiting to go.

4- As the entire group is spreading out to various holes for their simultaneous start, Steve can't find his clubs or the cart he put them on. There is a cart sitting near where Steve left them with clubs but they are not Steve's. Someone took the wrong cart.

4A- Steve drives that cart across one of my greens on his search for his gear. That is a major, major no no.


4B- Steve starts his search (in Origins map equivalent) at the Marion room and head towards the Dealer Room then doubles back towards the Big Bar, Fairfiield, Union and then back towards C Hall. I know this makes no sense. Steve is an idiot.

4C- Harry, the guy with Steve's clubs has reached his starting point in C Hall and realized he has the wrong clubs. He starts looking for whoever has his clubs by driving towards the Minis room, followed by checking the dealer room, Union, Marion and Fairfield in that order. Totally ognoring the guy driving all over the place and past him twice with a familiar looking bag.

4D- As i type this, they just came around to the first tee, so they sorted it out. Yep they were booked into the same starting group down in C Hall.

5- Jim, another new guy in the group thought he was to begin play in Fairfield. Nope. So instead of coming back to Marion and checking the list he went to Exhibit hall A to see if he was suppossed to be there. Then he came back to Marion to discover he was starting in Clark...right next door.

Just sharing 35 minutes of my morning. Who the hell knows what will happen from here.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Rebecca Iavelli » Mon Aug 31, 2020 11:06 am

Maybe you need to get some ropes and post and block the porch ways so the guy can't park there. Sort of like they do when you go to the movies, and have to stand behind the rope before they let you in to give your ticket. Either that, or get yourself a couple of Border Collies that will herd the group together for you, lol. I was just reading about them and how they will herd anything.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Aug 31, 2020 12:25 pm

Ropes also restrict access. Whatever you do, they will always, always, always situate themselves right on the edge of it. Or they run over it. I cannot remember a number for how many carts i have had to pull out of roped off areas.

And i am never dealing with animals again. Animals annoy me.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Black Jack Rackham » Mon Aug 31, 2020 2:01 pm

Two words, “Ta-zer”
smafdi wrote:STOP BEING SO DARN POPULAR GUYZ SRSLY I NEEDZ MEH GAMEZ TIHS YAER!!!

kenderleech wrote:If the cows were not meant to be ridden, why would they be so close to the chase scenes?
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Aug 31, 2020 2:32 pm

Unrelated: The monthly copy of Rolling Stone showed up at the golf course. (It is uninvited, someone just added us to a mailing list without asking to increase their circulation)

So, this month's cover story is both timely and of maximum importance to the modern music fanbase...

The Beatles have broken up.

Yes, The Fab Four is no longer working together.

In the covid shutdown, having already spent a cover on Greta Thurnberg, Biden, the Black Lives Protests, Harry Styles and Taylor Swift, we have reached August in an election year with nothing more important to cover than a band splitting up 50 years ago.

This is why print journalism is dying thing.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Aug 31, 2020 2:34 pm

OMG! The Beatles broke up!

I would tell my other friends but then i would have to explain who the Beatles were.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby kenderleech » Mon Aug 31, 2020 3:43 pm

To be fair, half the band has only done DeComposing for the last 20/40 years. If they keep it up, they will undo all the compositions they ever did as a band.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Black Jack Rackham » Mon Aug 31, 2020 3:52 pm

kenderleech wrote:To be fair, half the band has only done DeComposing for the last 20/40 years. If they keep it up, they will undo all the compositions they ever did as a band.

I assume this was the joke you were going for.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLPQRTdkzrU
smafdi wrote:STOP BEING SO DARN POPULAR GUYZ SRSLY I NEEDZ MEH GAMEZ TIHS YAER!!!

kenderleech wrote:If the cows were not meant to be ridden, why would they be so close to the chase scenes?
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Aug 31, 2020 5:00 pm

That is good, Ken...

Or as Jeremy would say, TOO SOON!
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby kenderleech » Mon Aug 31, 2020 8:59 pm

yes mark, but a joke is like a frog. If you have to dissect it, its much less funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zZQQijocRI clip semi related.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby MacShidhe » Tue Sep 01, 2020 7:41 am

salamanca wrote:OMG! The Beatles broke up!

I would tell my other friends but then i would have to explain who the Beatles were.


When my father turned 50, I tried to make an old timer joke by asking me if Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings. He looked straight at me asked, "Paul McCartney was in a band?"
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