the Strangeness that is my life

[salamanca]

I don't care how small one's drive is, Grace. You are in Ohio, get the blower and save the hassle.

And Tahiti is a magical place full of islands full of tasty snacks to harvest. (and Taro)

[Black Jack Rackham]

I should have also mentioned, we got snow here too Sal. It was ALMOST an inch, you know in some places, but not on the street of course, it had already melted when I woke up so I didn't have to actually go shovel anything, and it wasn't enough to make a snowball (I'd have had to comb the yard for that much) but BOY WAS IT AWFUL...

[Lady Grace]

I don't care how small one's drive is, Grace. You are in Ohio, get the blower and save the hassle.

And Tahiti is a magical place full of islands full of tasty snacks to harvest. (and Taro)

Hey, I want a blower! But Mr. "It Builds Character" is too cheap to buy one!

[salamanca]

Then Mr. It builds character can shovel on his own.

Besides, do you know how many characters I have built while standing behind that machine grinding fluffy white snow into a submissive grey sludge out of my way? (the answer is about half the ones you hate)

An inch....amateurs.

Ok, I am on a new search for something. One of our players bailed me out from a flat tire issue with an impact wrench that runs off the 12 volt lighter in the car. Lazy GM in me wants one for the next time.

[Black Jack Rackham]

Ok, I am on a new search for something. One of our players bailed me out from a flat tire issue with an impact wrench that runs off the 12 volt lighter in the car. Lazy GM in me wants one for the next time.

THIS the thing?

[salamanca]

No idea if it is Mark. You have never posted a link my phone is willing to access. But I shall guess probably. Mind you I am staunchly anti-web purchase so if I don't find it in a store, I will be doing without. Funny bit is every store I have asked at had a clerk that suddenly also wanted one.

[salamanca]

So the mall manager wandered by just after my previous post to tell me HIS bosses were dropping by tomorrow so he needs me to "look sharp". They always take a walk around and he wants to be certain nobody in the middle has a stack of shipping boxes laying around. But he also knows I will play up to him for this. (lots of "good morning, sir" stuff so he looks well regarded). But every year i'm tempted to just go all out nightmare tenant on him. Pull him aside for a loud dirty joke, push a hard sales pitch on the boss, demand they turn up the lights, etc. Ahhh, someday...

[Rebecca Iavelli]

Drat You Dave,

Had all the info you needed, and you posted just as I did, so wiped my post away. So here it is again.

Harbor Frieght Tools
3333 Manchester Rd. STE 18
Akron, Oh 44319
Phone: 330-245-0264

Item and ordering number:
12V 1/2 inch Impact Wrench
Pittsburgh Automotive #92349

[salamanca]

Yeah, harbor freight lists them but it's a company that may or may not actually HAVE them and they are on my check when you get a chance list. (but I'm checking the ones closer to home first). And Luara, you should look into these too. Beats wrestling with a tire iron by a mile.

[salamanca]

Today was the sort of day Mark waits to hear about. Day started with a senoir that wandered up like he knows me who starts rambling about needing to get his computer fixed. It takes me nearly 5 minutes to confirm for myself that 1- he has a guy working on the computer, 2- I do NOT know him and 3-he has not been in this mall in years. He then starts name dropping people I have not heard of and telling me how he helped this guy get his son out of prison after he murdered someone over a drug deal by making some phone calls. Now, normally I would be all about milking this story to see how weird it got but I had customers browsing and this guy is literally grabbing me to keep my attention and preventing me from doing my job. 25 minutes and he shows no signs of stopping until he suddenly needs the restroom. By this point, I have lost at least 8 possible sales and i'm ticked off so I tell him the only restroom in the mall is in Macy's at the far end of the complex. Then the guy with the therapy dog that is NOT housebroken shows up looking for a job. I remember this guy from last year because he does not clean up after the dog. Mind you, the dog is also not well behaved on a leash. (but the dog does have his act more together than the owner). I tell the guy no jobs available, try to be polite but aloof and he still starts into the life story and the dog pees on my floor. I point out the problem and his responsibility and he takes off. (leaving the floor as is). After maintenance cleans up, the security guy drops in (unrelated to this guy) just to discuss Charles Manson's impending nuptuals. Then I get a lady who had her pet die so she wants to see calendars of cat paintings as photos are too painful to view (hope she shut off her internet). Then Russ showed up. Russ is about 1 calamity from being homeless, he's racist, angry, paranoid and owns a lot of guns. He also swears loudly like a sailor and that is an issue when I am right outside Build a Bear with all the kids. And then it got weird.

[salamanca]

This afternoon I then ended up with a couple looking for...yep, you guessed right, Cards Against Humanity. I explain the whole internet only, eventually independent stores but probably never corporate stores like us deal and they seem to get it and resign themselves to ordering on Amazon. (mind you I do this 8-10 times a day with the same reaction). Then they notice the Ouija board on the bottom shelf and go ballistic. "how can you sell a tool of the devil?" and "that's sinful". It was a full on (but politely quiet) religious interrogation. At this point, I am so impossibly short of my sales goal that the day is a disaster. I have dealt with all those other lunatics all day and my sarcasm has hit the overflow level. So I promptly make sure they are also aware we sell a witches calendar, our Bible calendars (thanks to being tied to TV miniseries) are in the entertainment section and they get 2 meager spaces while we devote 24 to swimsuit models and shirtless men and before you complain about ANY of this let me remind you ladies you came here to buy CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY!. The Ouija boards don't even do anything (except freak out the gullible)

[Rebecca Iavelli]

Yeah Dave, I thought about that when I saw the post from Mark, but my car does not have a lighter plug in, in the car. If it does, I have never discovered it. Being a non-smoker, I have not needed it, so have never really looked for it, but after owning the car for over 12 years, you would figure I would have discovered it by now. Of course now I'll have to double check myself when I go out to the car this morning.

[Black Jack Rackham]

... my car does not have a lighter plug in, in the car. If it does, I have never discovered it...

I know what I'm doing on Sunday afternoon! (ok really next Sunday since we're celebrating the oldest's birthday on Sunday)

[Rebecca Iavelli]

Well, I looked around my car, and I did find it. Never have used it though, and never really noticed it before, just thought it was some logo button for the radio or just some weird piece on the console. So I guess I can see if I can get one too.

[salamanca]

Don't tell the boss but I ignored most of my customers for about 20 minutes today. One of my annual shoppers was in and I wanted to give her undivided attention despite knowing she was only going to spend maybe 10 bucks. (and it was not because she was cute). This particular customer is suffering from a handful of disabilities so she is stuck on one of those scooters and she's completely deaf. So I spent almost a half hour walking around the booth scribbling notes about how games play and answering questions and laughing with her. She really is one of the most upbeat people I deal with every year. Then she made her purchase and left and it suddenly hits me that instead of making her try and read my terrible handwriting, there was a phone in my damn pocket I could have clearly typed stuff on. Some year, I will remember that.

[salamanca]

Found that wrench today, small independant shop. But he only had one so x-mas gifts will need to be something else. Today's mall oddity: Bath and Body works is burning a scented oil called "cinnamon carmel swirl" my employee (accurately) commented that it held the aroma of spice with an underlying scent of dog urine. And now that I have noticed it, I cannot "unsmell" it. Glad I spend my days at the far end.

[Sister Sonya]

... now that I have noticed it, I cannot "unsmell" it.

Smells can be insidious, can't they!?

[salamanca]

I didn't mean that in the manner of "now that it has been inhaled I am constantly smelling the odor". What I intended to type was that "now that I have noticed what this particular scent seems to contain, I cannot help but notice that when exposed to it". But they are insidious.

[Sister Sonya]

"now that I have noticed what this particular scent seems to contain, I cannot help but notice that when exposed to it"

That was my intention.

[salamanca]

Well, today I had two whoppers of interesting. I had a customer looking at calendars and he had one in hand so I did my standard greet and offer to help find "anything else you are looking for". He asks me for Railroad calendars (common thing, we have several). I walk him around, pick one up and try to hand it to him. He throws his hands in front of his face and shouts, "i don't want to look at it!". At this moment I realize I failed my "is he crazy or wearing a bluetooth earpiece" check. He then asks me for a John Wayne calendar and I point him to the next section where Mr. Wayne sits and he again shouts, "i don't want to see it!". I figure the best thing I can do is to slowly back away and he asks me if I have a german shepherd calendar... Now, I got this guy figured out. Without budging an inch, I look at him and reply, "Yes sir, we have that in stock.". He waits a beat and impatiently asks, "can I see it?". At this point, I am totally on board the crazy train and hand it to him. After all that, he settles for buying just the damn calendar he started with.

[salamanca]

Epic mall guest #2:. (Mark, you are gonna love this). Woman in her late 60's walks up and says "excuse me". Now, my lengthy retail experience and the fact that she is not looking past me at my shelf at all tells me she could care less about my product and just wants to know where the hell some store is. (normally the kitchen store or bath and body). So I'm all set to give directions. This little old lady looks at me and asks, "IS THERE AN APP STORE IN THIS MALL?". Somebody bought her a Kindle and she was looking for a physical store to purchase APPs in. I told her no and before I could try and create a short explanation she asks, "IS THERE ONE NEARBY?. I'M FROM CHAGRIN FALLS AND WE DON'T HAVE ONE.". I tried to explain the whole concept of why it needs to be an online purchase but she was having none of that so I finally told her to get whoever bought her the thing to deal with it.

[Black Jack Rackham]

Epic mall guest #2:. (Mark, you are gonna love this). Woman in her late 60's...

About two years ago, my parents bought me a bunch of iTunes gift cards (I thought it was pretty cool of them, I do get music and ebooks pretty frequently).

Now for my mom's present, I usually take her shopping (because she never shops for herself) and spend the day with her. This time around, she suggests Providence Place (big mall downtown Providence, RI). As we're leaving she tells me I should bring all the gift cards so we can go to the iTunes Store (because, after all, it's a big mall, it's bound to have an iTunes Store, right?)

I burst out laughing because her logic is impeccable (at least if you don't think about the fact that its letting you transfer electrons). So when I finally regain my composure I ask her how I'm going to carry all the songs and ebooks out of the store...

[kenderleech]

Is anyone else eagerly awaiting sal's horror stories about today?

[Black Jack Rackham]

I got them first! He actually gave me a call to let me know the highlights! I am giddy like a schoolgirl! But Yes, I do eagerly await them.

[salamanca]

Sleep is for the week. I am now running on Origins mode. Arrived thursday at 4:30 pm stayed until 1:30 am returned at 5:30 am stayed until nearly 6. Returned today at 7 am and left around 5pm. Going back for noon until 8pm tomorrow. Current count is 122 requests for Cards Against Humanity. (now hate 122 people a little more, going to recommend they make a "it's only sold online, you inbred fool" card). -- I started thursday by knocking a teen on the ground. He was running through the mall screaming like a fool with a friend so I stepped into their path and he ran straight into me and bounced off. (after hitting me square in the extended hand). I did not help him up. -- I also claimed worst sale offer in history. We offered 30% off a calendar with purchase of a calendar (also at 30% off) from a specific company that only makes folk art calendars. I have renamed it the "Syndi sale" for the only person that took us up on the offer. -- corporate screwed up and messed up the discount on Pictionary. It was suppossed to be 12 bucks but the register came up 2 dollars. There was a time when I would have yanked them off the shelf until I got a confirmation but since I was stuck working thanksgiving with the worst calendar deal ever I decided they should have known what they were doing and instead hustled to sell them all before the boss arrived. (i would feel bad but they have that game regular priced at 40 bucks which is twice what it's worth). -- I wisely hid the roll the ball up the metal bars skill game we normally have out to demo. Early in the evening a teen boy asked me where it was and was not pleased to find it gone. He and 15 friends had planned to spend the entire night loitering at my booth playing with it (and blocking out any customers actually shopping). I told him to buy one and he admitted to having brought no money to the mall. Then we tried to close at 1am as scheduled. People went nuts. I was shouted at, they tried crawling under tarps to get "Frozen" calendars, continued...