the Strangeness that is my life

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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Lady Grace » Tue May 16, 2017 5:27 pm

Were they wearing kilts? ;)

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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Fri May 19, 2017 7:12 pm

Huckleberry Soda... Very tasty. I recommend trying one should you see it at a store.

Unrelated: was just at Taco Bell (I was in a hurry). The entire staff was Amish. They were all wearing Bell T-shirts over their pastel dresses with their white bonnets.

While I was there, one got off work and stood out on the curb waiting for her buggy to pick her up. She stood out there fiddling on her smart phone. Have to admit, the modern Amish baffle me. No running water in the house, no cars or electricity but you can have a smartphone because it runs on a battery.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby kenderleech » Fri May 19, 2017 8:22 pm

A lot of them actually have their own generators. it isnt about being anti-technology (except to the mot hardcore purist ones) its about self reliance. Being able to fix anything that breaks, and not needing to be dependant on other segments of civilization. Id bet that that taco bell has a really low frequency of maintenance calls.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Lady Grace » Fri May 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Had loganberry soda once when I visited Buffalo. That was nice.

And I miss huckleberries. The pond I lived near as a kid had both wild huckleberry and wild blueberry bushes...
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Fri May 19, 2017 10:51 pm

I'll get it has low maintenance calls because it's less than a year old.

As for the tech, the rules are very weird to an outsider. There are things they can't use in the house but can in a business. And there are things they can use but can't get own like excavation equipment. The guy that cleared the trees for the power line explained that his business could buy a cell phone and computer and a small bulldozer that he uses everyday and that is fine.

Knowing several people that make their living driving these folks places, I don't see how not embracing modern transportation makes you self reliant bit it's their thing.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Jul 04, 2017 9:21 pm

A trade publication showed up this week touting a new event for country clubs to host to draw young folks who may not care to golf.

It is a new rec event/ sport. They call it " Archery Tag". (Go ahead and Google it). It is basically Dodgeball with Bows and Arrows.

Trust me on one thing... You cannot pad an arrow enough.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby daundelyon » Wed Jul 05, 2017 6:49 am

salamanca wrote:
Trust me on one thing... You cannot pad an arrow enough.


It can be done. Several of the LARPs we do use archery. Special arrows and a low power bow, it works reasonably well. You know if you get hit, no real harm done.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Jul 05, 2017 12:14 pm

You ladies always think that is true.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sun Jul 09, 2017 12:16 pm

So, my cousin's kid just graduated high school and is heading to college. We were talking about all that at a family event yesterday.

Turns out she is following me. Same university. Surprisingly, she is staying on campus ( her commute would be about 20 minutes from home but getting away will be good)

So I ask where she is staying expecting to hear the name of one of the new dorms. Nope she is in my old building. So I warn her that there is a lot more chaos on the upper floors and the serious students tend to migrate to the lower floors. Turns out she has already been assigned to a low floor... MY old floor.

AND my old room. I have been invited to drop by


25 years later, I'm going to get to go hang out in my old dorm room. I hope they have repainted and fixed the hole we drilled in the block wall.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Jul 10, 2017 9:12 am

Ok, renn faire season. This year's plot is soessed up that I cannot make full sense of it despite 5 active cast members trying to explain it in backstage conversations. Feel free to gasp in shock at the red flags.

- Main Story: The Templars show up in the village looking for Holy Relics to confiscate and collect. Most of this is done through strongarm tactics because those cast members have no subtle setting. ( They are also billed as "the good guys")

The village is playing a shell game with the Holy Grail. The central local hero is a bandit named "Sparrow Boots" (because all bandits use a bird and clothing name sequence according to the cast director). The actress is not in physical shape to handle the part but had seniority. (She is also billed as "the good guy").

This all culminates in the obligatory sword fight show to resolve events. The Templar Master and Sparrow face off and the Templar is mortally wounded forcing to town to bring out the Grail to heal him. (Just like Indiana Jones)

However, drinking from the Grail not only heals his wounds but drives him into an insane killing spree until the Faerie King arrives to cast a spell on him and resurrect all the dead characters.

You did not read that wrong: Drinking from the Holy Grail turns you into a murder hobo.

Them the Templars recruit the Bandit Queen to become a member and leave the Grail with her.

I repeat: The Templars recruit a female that is a known criminal of dubious honor to guard the item they deem most important in the world.

The only thing missing is a representative for Hobby Lobby.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby daundelyon » Mon Jul 10, 2017 4:22 pm

That makes me feel slightly less bad at URen's use of "Pirates of the Amistad" as a theme. But only slightly. O_o
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Jul 11, 2017 7:02 pm

It should surprise none of you that plans are already in place to ridicule and mess with this and someone you may know is involved in said plans.

So, next weekend there will be an appearance of a Templar that is apparently unaffiliated with these individuals. At his side will be a Templar Chaplain. Sir Patrick of Catan and Hobbius Lobbius (Sir Michael is claimed locally by a guy who is very serious about his persona and tolerates no ridicule) will be out and about.

Our first efforts will be centered around finding faults and violations in these "official Templars" regarding the 72 rules laid down at the founding. I know we have two of them for not wearing beards, I can bet we will catch all of them having physical contact with a woman, and the poverty rule will fall to at least one who is wearing a huge noble chain of office. (speaking while eating is usually a good catch too)

And while we are at that, we will be attempting to sell "genuine, authentic relics". Templar approved and sanctioned. Our list currently includes:

-The one true Holy Grail (made out of a Solo Cup) a one of a kind, buy one, get a second half price. (Obviously we will have at least 16 of these)

- Adam's other ribs (made from some deer ribs I have been storing waiting for a good costume prop idea) Just like the one used to create Eve. Take one home and grow your own wife.

-The Shroud of Turin (a flower print bed sheet) Complete with image enhanced for viewing (marker smiley face)

-The table used at the last supper (my 6 inch toy table) by miracle it sat 14 at the last supper. save space in your home with this revolutionary furnishing.

-The spork used by the Apostle Biff during the last late night snack. Biff usually gets written out because he was a bit dense. But we assure you, he enjoyed some late night chili after the last supper with this while holding the hand of the lord in a bucket of warm water while he slept.

-The deed to Lazarus' burial plot. He's not using it and it would make for a lovely small garden.

- The holy receipt from the last supper. (still need to fabricate that with a list of dumb food) May call it "The final bill"

-The holy hand grenade of Antioch You all know what that is.

-The jawbone of an ass. (while I have a deer jawbone as well, I am thinking no prop at all and we just point to the jaw of someone laughing too hard at us.)

-Toenail clipping of Saint Peter. Self explanatory.

-Belly button lint of Saint Paul. I have a handful of dryer lint and in volume makes this hilarious.

BEFORE YOU ASK... Yes, we realize how blasphemous this is. But in OUR defense, we are not claiming that drinking from the Holy Grail will result in a murder spree. (which in the face of how things happen in 2017 is pretty horrible)

Now, if anybody has some quick and easy ideas, I still have time to fabricate a few more things from the craft store. (not Hobby Lobby) So feel free to throw a few ideas.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Watcher487 » Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:08 pm

That should be Apostle Biff (the Understudy), and he's not dense, he just can not get the lines right.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby daundelyon » Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:12 pm

The spork used by the Apostle Biff during the last late night snack. Biff usually gets written out because he was a bit dense. But we assure you, he enjoyed some late night chili after the last supper with this while holding the hand of the lord in a bucket of warm water while he slept.


I think Christopher Moore would approve. Levi who is called Biff doesn't get nearly the credit he deserves.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:14 pm

yeah... that is a great book.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Lady Grace » Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:25 pm

The Sandal of Brian!
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:40 pm

nice... i have a spare sandal.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Black Jack Rackham » Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:57 pm

Lady Grace wrote:The Sandal of Brian!

Do not follow the sandal! The Gord is the way!!!
smafdi wrote:STOP BEING SO DARN POPULAR GUYZ SRSLY I NEEDZ MEH GAMEZ TIHS YAER!!!

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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby daundelyon » Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:26 am

The boomerang of destiny-what goes around comes around.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Jul 15, 2017 9:32 am

Well, we have another prop. Hank, our 74 year old backyard mechanic, tool a liking to this stunt and added the front grille off a 1993 Chevy S-10 pick-up truck that was laying in his shop.

We now have the "Holy Grille".
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Jul 17, 2017 6:51 pm

So, that went as good and bad as it probably could have.

The good: We have a great patter and pacing. With both of us we can rapid fire through 20 ( yes, 20) props each with a joke attached. While one is tossing out a pitch, the other can prep the next one. We are adding to each other's delivery and it was smooth with the second performance.

The professional acts and veteran cast LOVE the routine. Even with the blasphemous parts, they all found it amazing. So overall have asked us to film it for posterity.

The cast that are not playing Templars completely got it. That includes the veiled insult to how the Templar cast is behaving.

Several regular patrons followed us to watch the wandering bit happen again. We drew bigger crowds than a couple scheduled shows did.

The bad:
Some of the best jokes go over way too many heads. Too many in our audience are just too young or have failed to see the classics. (Half of them have missed the Animal House and Fight Club references).

The group of performers we are trying to shame into doing a better show love it and have missed the insult and at them. They are simply jealous of what we came up with.

The lead Templar kept begging us to join them and do the bit during their Knighting Ceremony for the kids. We have crucifixion jokes, male enhancement jokes, mail order bride jokes, and pretty much and to be offensive at every turn. These bozos want us to do the bit for kids.

And that just proves how messed up this cast is. No sense of appropriate behavior at all. So for all the praise I feel like we missed.

And my partner in crime is totally in love with the whole thing and wants to do it non-stop.

And so far, we have only really offended 2 people. Which is good but I like those two, so I. Hoping it will just be water under the bridge.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Jul 27, 2017 4:39 pm

So, one of my 56 year old customers got remarried just over a year ago. Sunday, he became a dad again.

Showed me a pic of his 21 year old daughter holding his new son. You would think someone that age would know better than to go through childraising again.

Last thing I ever want to do is attend my son's college orientation at the age of 74.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Black Jack Rackham » Thu Jul 27, 2017 5:28 pm

salamanca wrote:Last thing I ever want to do is attend my son's college orientation at the age of 74.

Heck, I don't want to do it at 53 (My age when David goes off to college).
smafdi wrote:STOP BEING SO DARN POPULAR GUYZ SRSLY I NEEDZ MEH GAMEZ TIHS YAER!!!

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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Jul 27, 2017 6:18 pm

The big issue is how much of your social security check do you want to use for tuition. Let alone all the "are you his grandpa?" Questions.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby kenderleech » Tue Aug 01, 2017 3:48 pm

Today I had the best customer complaint ever.


A woman came into my store to tell me that one of my employees was "unhelpful" yesterday


at the grocery store 2 miles down the road.

When he wasnt working.


And wasnt in uniform.


Even better, its the guy i fired the week before origins.
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