the Strangeness that is my life

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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Feb 19, 2022 7:27 pm

Sigh, only in Ohio...

Dateline Palmyra Township: Thursday and Friday saw a storm roll through that led to excessive flooding in Palmyra including an animal farm. The local authorities had to rescue the stranded animals from the high waters. Including Ducks.

Ducks had to be rescued from water.

(We will quietly ignore the fact that it is a farm and most of those animals are on the way to the butcher anyhow)

Ducks!!!! From water!!!! C'mon!!!
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Legauche » Sat Feb 19, 2022 11:21 pm

Well, after all, those are DOMESTICATED ducks, and they're used to DOMESTICATED water! You introduce WILD water to their environment and they're like... a duck out of water!
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon Mar 21, 2022 11:46 am

My grandfather just looked at me and asked me to make him half a bologna sandwich for lunch.

He wants the top half because the bottom half gets mushy.

If you were wondering, it is proof I come by that weirdness genetically.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Mar 26, 2022 9:51 pm

There was an ad on tv today for the city of Akron foodbank. Their logo has a line drawing of a couple recognizable skyline features from the city meshed together...

Including my college dorm. I know the food service was bad and college has gotten much more expensive but it's not bad enough to need to raid the food bank.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Watcher487 » Tue Apr 19, 2022 2:54 pm

After my alarm went off this morning, power went out. Strange as it seems 4 inches of WET HEAVY snow decided to be dropped on the overnight. While checking in via my phone to the local stations, Upstate NY got a Nor'Easter yesterday.... for Easter.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Apr 19, 2022 9:25 pm

We got less than 2 inches here but, yeah.

It was also 18 degrees colder than christmas.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sat Jun 04, 2022 10:24 pm

Well, tonight after work I made my pre-Origins run to Walmart for all that stuff i forgot where i put it.

Almost got arrested.

Came out to find an accident in my parking lane, not ay all related to my vehicle but the responding police officer had blocked me in.

All I did was ask if he could move the cruiser so I could be on my way. It's late and I have the early shift. He told me I could shut my mouth and wait for him to take as long as he pleased or he was going to write me up for interfering.

If I had the free time, I would lodge a complaint but I would rather go to Origins next week instead of filing police reports.

And...as i type this, the telemarketer scam for police benefits just called. Well timed folks.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sun Jun 19, 2022 3:47 pm

Customers...

This afternoon, i had a guy that lost a club while playing. Wait let me define that, he set it down on the ground, forgot to pick it up and did not miss it until the next hole. This is a common thing.

So he is unusual in that he is teally upset he has misplaced this particular club because it is a very bital amd important part of his game annd he absolutely needs it back. He waits around for 2 groups to finish to grill them about having possibly found it which they had not.

He insists on leaving his business card with a printed phone number so I can call him the moment it is found. This is, again, not unusual.

We get a lot of lost clubs. So I ask what model it is.
"It's a wedge".

Very good, sir. But that is the most common club lost in a set, what brand wedge is it?

"It's a Ping or a Wilson or some other name." (Keep in mind, this is his prized club. It would be like Mark misplacing his GM Guide and not knowing what game it is for)

Now he gets specific.

"It's got a big "W" carved into the top of it."

He already said it was a wedge, they all have a "W" stamped into the top to identify them, it is a universal mark to use a W or P (for pitching wedge) This will narrow things down exactly none.

"And the stick part is shiny metal color."

I look at the business card. The guy runs an auto body business. "CHROME" is a word he should know.

He stumbles off with his friends after insisting i immediately call when it comes in. I am not saying he was drunk AND stoned when he arrived at 10 am or left at 1 pm but ... yeah.

Club just came in, I called the number. His printed business card has the wrong number printed on it. A very irritated lady who gets a lot of calls to see if their car is fixed yet.

Yeah, he is handing out business cards with the wrong number.

Anybody want to buy a used wedge?
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Black Jack Rackham » Tue Jun 21, 2022 2:48 pm

Only if I can beat him over the head with it for forcing me to confront the fact that there are really people THAT stupid...
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Jun 21, 2022 4:30 pm

Today, I put on my brand new "Today is going to be a great day" t shirt for work.

This morning we had an equipment beakdown that required a 2 hour repair, then my 3 least favorite customers showed up, a supply shipment arrived so damaged in shipping it is unusable, our golf cart supplier informed us that the proprietary part we need for 3 carts is back ordered until november, the garbage truck had it's bed raised and tore out the phone line which means no credit card sales until the phone company can find time to fix it tomorrow, and a family of muskrats decided to undermine one of my cart bridges last night.

It is still only 4:30, there might be more.

But for now, I have been told my shirt has lied to us.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby kenderleech » Tue Jun 21, 2022 4:55 pm

I think your shirt is right, you cant cant Read the sarcasm in it.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Jun 21, 2022 8:48 pm

Had a topper.

My second dumbest customer showed up, read the sign about being cash only because the phone line was torn down and scolded me for not forwarding that phone to a different number so I could answer it.

Yeah... Ohio people. There is a reason the smart Ohio engineers became astronauts...to get away from the rest of the state.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sun Jul 02, 2023 6:42 am

Been a spell. A very dull normal spell.

This morning, my house was rocked with explosions. Literal shaking took place.

Relax, house is fine. Somebody nearby just decided that their home fireworks display on July 1st at 10 pm was not enough, the display at 11:25 pm was not enough. Firing off another 15 minute burst at 12:35 am July 2 nd seemed to help a little.

But apparently, at 4:30 am on Sunday, someone decided to set off 15 of those booming cannon charges, a series of crackling skyrockets, 7 starbursts and a case of bright single burst blasts all in a tangle.

Overall, it lasted 12 minutes.

Living in the middle of nowhere has it's benefits but the one downside is this weekend. Tonight a different neighbor will find the need to outdo last night. Tomorrow is will be somebody else and all of them will try again tuesday.

Add in the campground around the corner and the drag race track 2 miles away and it will be loud and late every night. Official complaints get met with shrugs amd accusations of being unpatriotic. I feel for the guys in town with PTSD that I know are struggling with it.

But mostly, I want a nap already.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Sun Jul 02, 2023 8:55 am

A golf customer just dropped me off a stack of vintage games that were in his mother in laws attic hoping I would be willing to completion check and sell them for him. He's willing to settle for 30% of whatever I get.

All of it is 60's to mid 70's

Some of it is worthless common stuff: monopoly, hi ho cherrry-o, perquacky...

Some of it is trashed like the marx electro target range.

Some of it is interesting but of no value like Comp IV, Don't Blow your top, Billionaire, toss across and cris-cros.

Some needs to be checked to see if it works like the slot car set and electric football.

And some of it is weird. Dark Shadows boardgame, arnold palmer table golf set, Snoopy vs. Red Baron skill game. And this odd tic tac toe/connect 4 that involves springs below the board to shoot the balls up into place.

It would appear his wife's family had a penchant for games that gather money and games that featured physical dexterity.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby Rebecca Iavelli » Sun Jul 02, 2023 3:55 pm

OH, the Dark Shadows one could be a collector's item. I just checked it on line, and except for one person asking for $300 for it, most are going between $30 and $60. Would also depend on if all the parts are in the game.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed Aug 02, 2023 2:01 pm

I just got the phone scam call from "your television services company". (They actually say that, smart scammers would pick a service for realism)

They needed to access my television immediately to install upgraded software or it would never work again for anything.

Strung them along about being out on the property but very concerned to get this handled immediately. Told them I was walking back to the house to get this done, confessed I really didn't understand texhnology because I am getting up in years. Begged him to stay on the line so we could get this solved.

I even introduced myself by name (Nathan Ford) and apologised for not being quicker about this stuff.

Once "I got back to the house and found the right key amd the remote" it got more fun. Clumbsy old Nathan hit the wrong button, had trouble reading the remote because my glasses are not here, wait let me look for them. I got distracted by the show that was on (i told him it was Price is Right while I rang up a couple customers) the customers caught on and watched for a minute.

I kept him on to the point "we found the screen with the passcodes he needed" (i gave him a series of numbers off the golf cart rental book which conveniently had the right number of digits once I added some Nintendo "L,R,L,R,A,B,A,B,U,D" to it)

Obviously, those codes did not work and we played, I transposed a few numbers games for another minute.

Then I asked him if it made a difference that the number he called was for a location with no internet, cable or satellite dish access (and does not actually have a television).

-"What?"

Yeah, I made all of that up. I was onto the scam from the first sentence. I am just far better than you at your job. I figure I stalled you out of at least 3 targets keeping you on the line, pal.

-"#@*@ $#^!@&#*" (suffice to say what he instructed me to do to myself is very graphic, very specific and not anatomically possible)

Willing to bet he doesn't get the next caller either because he will be waaaay too angry to speak clearly.

Most fun I have had at work in a while.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Thu Oct 05, 2023 12:56 pm

I got the "most important call of the year" this morning.

I was the truck driver with the shipment of shelving and calendars. He was at the mall amd meeded to know which door to deliver the 8 pallets through.

Those of you who don't know me are wonderi g why I am posting about such a mundane thing. Those of you who know me well are probably thinking "Does Sal still do that holiday thing?"

And the answer to that is NO!!!!!

I had to tell the poor driver that I had quit working for that company 5 years ago and was not who je needed to speak with. I gave him my best guess at the proper entrance and the number for mall security.

Meanwhile, either the corporate office is working with outdated info in their system or 4 different trucking companies have me listed for delivery (which seems unlikely but I did have that job for 15 years and we used everybody for shipping)

I am taking it as an annual complement to just how indispensible I was.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby cpugs » Thu Oct 05, 2023 6:37 pm

Absolutely indispensable...
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Tue Nov 21, 2023 5:34 pm

The local funeral home has a digital screen outside to show pictures and time for services. The owner is about my age and has a sense of humor.

They appear to have nothing scheduled, so today the sign just says, "Be EXCELLENT to each other."

I was a little disappointed when that was followed by their logo and not, "And PARTY ON, dudes!"

Now, I gotta talk him into offering a "Bogus Journey" package.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Wed May 22, 2024 2:32 pm

Had a customer yesterday... A very nice lady in her mid 60's.

After golfing, she decided she wanted some thing to drink and pulled a yellow gatorade out of the cooler. Then she turned the bottle around and started reading the ingredient list as if she had never encountered a sports drink before.

After looking it over, she declared that it was full of things with names she could not read or pronounce and put it back on the shelf.

Fair enough, in my opinion.

Then she grabbed the bottle of Orange Gatorade next to it, skipped reading the bottle and declared, " this is probably healthier for me than that other stuff."

I did not bother to mention that both are made out of the same stuff.
I don't mind growing old... but I hate growing up.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby cpugs » Thu May 23, 2024 9:11 am

But it's orange!!! Think of Mark's drive to Columbus! The horror!
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Fri May 24, 2024 6:14 am

Gatorade Orange is technically yellow #6.
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby cpugs » Mon May 27, 2024 10:30 am

Is that Urine Yellow???
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Re: the Strangeness that is my life

Postby salamanca » Mon May 27, 2024 3:53 pm

Well, if they used traditional polite phrasing, Urine yellow would be Yellow #1.
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